Want to know what your team is thinking and how to best connect with each of them? Revolutionary tec

As leaders, we spend a lot of time wondering what our members of our team may be thinking. Many of us spend countless hours deliberating over decisions we have made or may make and what the reaction could be. For many critical events, early in my career as a leader, I would suffer from unnecessary, self-induced, added levels of stress trying figure out what people were thinking. Then one day, the rays of light shone, the choir chimed in and I saw the answer!

Are you ready for this unbelievably complex method of getting insight on what people are thinking and how best to work with them? Ok, here goes....

Ask them!

No matter what the situation, I've found this crazy idea to work quite effectively. I suggest that utilizing this overarching concept in any situation can accelerate your effectiveness as a leader, team player, individual, human being.... well, you get the picture.

Obviously, this a simple remedy, so why don't we utilize it more often? I've reflected on this quite a bit and it seems that the common theme is that we are afraid of the answer. So, to prepare for this, you should give some thought to how you will deal with the information that you receive when you ask questions. For example, if you ask someone what they think about the change to a current process, they may likely say "it's terrible!" Hopefully, you've utilized a change process that helps move through the phases effectively and can address the issue with facts and benefits. In this scenario, many leaders would prefer not to know to be able to avoid the confrontation. To the contrary, it is better to know so that you are able to address the concerns rather than just let frustration bubble under the surface and potential impact engagement and quality of work.

In addition to real time questions about current challenges, there is also success to be found in the simple act of asking questions to accelerate relationships with team members. There are three basic questions I regularly use to get a better understanding on how to connect more quickly and to have more impact as a leader and coach.

3 Essential Questions to Ask the Members of Your Team

1. What's the best way to communicate with you?

I've found this is an immediate thought disruptor. When was the last time someone, let alone your boss, asked you something like this? This can be a hard question for people to answer so it's important to put it in context. I often say something like, "if you're working on a big project and I have a change in the deadline, or a change in direction, what is the best way for me to share it with you? Do you prefer email? What about a planned meeting? Or is a “drive by” best for you?”

Given the individual’s style, the answer will vary. However, the fact that you’ve asked has started to build a rapport and communicates an empathic approach. It also tells you how they may respond in times of stress. I typically follow up with “what about when I have some less critical information to share? Is it better to share all at once at our 1:1 or do you prefer I just forward you the information in an email as an FYI?” Getting clarity around these two extremes of communication will shed a lot of insight on how to interact and accelerate your effectiveness getting things done as well as creating an engaging environment.

2. What's the most effective way for you to learn new skills?

This is really important. One of the critical roles of a leader is to be able teach and coach skills for success. If you approach all of your team in exactly the same way, you will have varying results. I personally learn best by reading and then doing. I'm finding it more and more common to have employees that don't enjoy reading. An introduction by video or demonstration is preferred. Or perhaps a dialogue around a concept is most effective. Asking your team members how they learn is very enlightening. I often ask "what was the last new skill you learned and how did you do it?" The answer is like a mechanic getting a new toolset. Knowing the style preferred by each individual will save you time in the long term.

3. How do you like to be recognized?

Think about the last time you were recognized for doing good work. Did it feel good? Was it embarrassing? What do you prefer? For me personally, I would rather have a needle poked in my eye than receive recognition in front of a large group. A simple thank you will do just fine. I also like an email that gives some positive feedback.

For some reason, I'm able to speak to very large groups with comfort, but as soon as the attention is about me, I become very uncomfortable. While I appreciate the intention of public recognition, I much prefer another method.

Don't make an assumption on this as a leader. If you want to motivate a high performer, make sure the recognition is something that truly motivates. Simply ask "what is the best way to let you know when you've done a good job?" Some people like public recognition, some don't. If you align your intentions (and behaviors) with the preferences of each individual, the impact will be exponential.

These questions have worked for me and they are just an example. It's never too late to improve communication and understanding. If you truly want to know what anyone is thinking, or how to really connect with them..... just ask!